I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Randomize
