My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
