I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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