literally had 100 drinks last night.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
