I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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