I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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