This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
