Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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