She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
