I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
