I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
