when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
