Buhtt sex?
i barfeds in our rink
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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