He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
