Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
