my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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