So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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