my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Did you just see the Batmobile???
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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