Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
