You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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