I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
