i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
