thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
