I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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