Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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