well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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