who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
