Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
