Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
