Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
