Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
