I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
