I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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