He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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