I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Randomize
