Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
