I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
