I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
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