dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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