She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
