yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
