i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
