could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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