Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
