I puked a lego.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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