I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
