I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
