I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
