Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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