just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
