he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize