worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
