We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
