no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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