if i can run in heels then i can drive
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
