im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
