I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
