Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
