If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
