Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
