We named our party play list daddy issues
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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