So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
