Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
