turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize