hotel room ftw
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
