I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
