they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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